I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Randomize
