we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I think my moral compass just broke
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize