if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
My bed smells like the plague
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
