I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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