Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
