I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
