areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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