Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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