My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
