Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize