Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
