jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
