i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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