I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
