my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
