marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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