I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
