Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I still have a little drunk in my system
Randomize
