Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I am spending my child support on dildos
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
