Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
