I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
we're chasing vodka with high fives
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
