Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Randomize
