hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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