Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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