Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
