I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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