He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Can you bring me the toilet please
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
