After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Let's paint friendship bongs
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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