Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
