he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
