Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
