i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
