I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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