I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
