i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
