Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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