He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
