I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
