just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
