I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
