It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize