Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
