I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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