It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
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