This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
