I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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