Don't you send me to vm
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
where are you?
Hypothermia
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
