I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize