I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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