I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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