True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
