everyone is single if you try hard enough
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
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