He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
we're so committed to being not committed
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
