There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
