Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
