he shaved USA in his pubs
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
