I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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