vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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