I think I won the penis lottery.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
