One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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