i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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