She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
