you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
