I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
