Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
