I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
