do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
