Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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