No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
